Foster Care Relationships: The Power of Connection in Fostering
The Foster Care Fortnight 2025 theme 'the Power of Relationships' invites us to explore the impact fostering relationships make every day. Here, with insights from a clinical psychologist, we explore the relationships in different types of fostering and their capacity to change the lives of children and young people.
"From that point of view of having stable loving relationships, and connections give a child a foundation for good resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks; it gives self-esteem, and some confidence. It gives a child that secure base from which they can go and explore the world." North East-based principal clinical psychologist, Dr Louise Harrison, works with our partner local authority fostering service Together for Children, Sunderland. She supports fostering families, working with adults to consider children's emotional well-being, the impact of trauma, and how we might heal and repair that trauma. For this, she explains, building stable relationships is key.
Here Dr Harrison shares insights around the impact of the different kinds of foster care relationships, common barriers to building relationships with looked-after children, and her expert tips for building trust in relationships.
Building trust and security in relationships
Children can become looked after for all kinds of reasons. It's not always due to issues such as neglect or addiction. For example, sometimes it can be due to a period of illness or mental health issues for a parent.
But whatever that child's experience of relationships before fostering, as a foster carer, you play a critical role in modelling positive relationships. You can show them you are someone they can trust and rely on.
Dr Harrison explains this from a psychological perspective: "You know, if you've got somebody there who's thinking about you, attuned to you, sensitive to your needs, then it builds trust. It is vital for good, healthy future relationships. It gives really good relationship templates that children can take from that point.
"And we know that templates go throughout the rest of our lives. Stable relationships offer a multitude of gifts - even things like learning emotional and behavioural regulation skills. If you're loved by somebody who's consistently there for you, then you're going to be able to learn to use that adult's mind for all kinds of different developments. Socially, psychologically, cognitively, the works, really. [Stable relationships] are the absolute key to human existence and development."
Common barriers to building foster parent and child relationships
Effective communication and emotional connection are essentials for building positive relationships in fostering. But we know establishing them doesn't always come easily. As a prospective foster carer, you will discuss challenges around relationship building and attachment during Skills to Foster training. You will also receive ongoing support.
"Children need to get a sense of safety, security and comfort from relationships, they're the three main aspects of attachment," Dr Harrison explains.
As part of her role, she helps foster carers explore "how to build love and stable relationships with children who might be resistant to that connection and resistant to being parented".
This frequently means examining relationship dynamics and trying to understand the child or young person's experience up to that point.
"For example, we think about mistrust. Blocked trust is when children have lost the ability to trust that adults can meet their needs or have their best interests at heart, the belief that they will be of any help. And you know, if you've experienced grown-ups as neglectful at best, and dangerous at worst, why would you trust in grown-ups?"
Fostering healthy relationships: mean what you say and say what you mean
Asked how foster carers can build trust to shape healthy relationships with children, Dr Harrison emphasises the importance of proof.
"You've got to prove that you're safe. Prove that you're physically safe and relationally safe, and prove that their little lives are safe in your hands. Prove that you're trustworthy, which means you've got to mean what you say, and say what you mean.
"Be consistent, predictable, reliable, consistently there. Renowned clinical psychologist Dr Karen Treisman said that every interaction is an intervention, meaning the little things add up."
Seeing the positive impact of fostering relationships
Foster carers talk to us about how they see shifts in the confidence and outlook of children they look after over time. It is a case of small things turning into big things. But it's sometimes hard to measure the impact of relationships. Dr Harrison says professionals like psychologists look out for three signals that young children feel comfortable in caring relationships.
1)Expressing emotion in direct ways
"Instead of, for example, becoming upset about the colour of the cup, when it's never about the colour, and something else is going on". The child can be more direct and say, 'I feel really sad about something' or 'I feel really angry about this', and then say what that is. They're able to express emotion in direct ways."
2)Expressing feelings in proportionate ways
"We also look for them to be able to express emotions in proportionate ways. So we've got kids that you would expect to feel very distressed, but you would see a child that looked like they were doing fine and managing okay. Where's the distress gone? Or we see the big, exaggerated, absolutely huge response to minor things, which is not very proportionate. We look for proportionate signals."
3)Showing attachment and comfort
"We look for children to be able to use their carer as a source of comfort. The more you can use a relationship with an adult for comfort, the better your prognosis will be. The better your ability to connect, trust and be vulnerable with somebody. If you can use an adult for comfort, that is a good, clear indicator of attachment."
The role of different types of foster carers
We often think about the impact of long-term and permanence fostering, but all types of foster carers have a role in laying foundations and building positive relationships.
As Dr Harrison explains, whether you are a short-term, long-term, emergency, or short-break carer, your interactions with children shape their perceptions.
"When you think about short-term fostering, every adult has that chance to show that adults can be helpful to children, can be useful and can be safe and trustworthy. Every single time we interact with our kids, we are building those neural networks. You build those brain networks that teach them, perhaps, something different to what they might have learned before they've come into foster care."
"If you are a short break carer, you might have a little bit more of a focus on helping them understand that they are enjoyed as children. It teaches a child a sense of self, that they are somebody who can be special and valuable. It tells them that they are somebody that adults can delight in, perhaps in a way that that they've not experienced before. So, if you're caring for a child over the weekend for a short break, it might be about teaching them that you can think about their needs and connect by doing something fun together."
Working together to support children in foster care
We couldn't write about the power of foster care relationships without acknowledging the role of our fostering teams who work closely with fostering families and children in our North East communities. As a local council foster carer, your foster social worker is never far away and can provide support and advice when things arise.
"Fostering social workers do supervision very regularly, so they'd always be there for that foster carer. You will be encouraged to talk about relationship difficulties or any kind of challenges that are cropping up for the young people."
Want to develop fostering relationships that shape futures? Talk to us about fostering for your local council
Our local authority host a variety of events, coffee mornings, and support groups. They also have Mockingbird constellations, which provide foster carers with a community of people who understand your experiences and can offer you peer advice and support.
We're here to answer your questions about fostering with your local council with Foster with North East. Enquire now, call our hub team on 0800 917 7771 or find a fostering information event near you.
