For Marie and Paula, fostering wasn't something that happened overnight. It was something they'd both thought about for a long time - a way to do something meaningful together after years of working in very different roles.
"It's busy, it's full-on... and we wouldn't change it for the world"
For Marie and Paula, fostering wasn't something that happened overnight. It was something they'd both thought about for a long time - a way to do something meaningful together after years of working in very different roles.
Before fostering, Paula had spent decades working in a factory before moving into supporting adults with mental health needs, eventually becoming an area manager. Later, the pair ran their own café.
It was during that time, while still running the café, that they began their fostering journey. At first, Paula took on the main caring role, with Marie continuing to run the café. But as their fostering experience grew, and the impact of running a small business during Covid took its toll, they made the decision to step away from the café and commit to fostering full time together.
"It was something we'd both always wanted to do," they explain. Nearly eight years later, they haven't looked back.
A house full of life
Today, their Sunderland home is a busy one. They care for three teenagers, all close in age, each with their own personalities, routines and needs.
"There's always something going on," they laugh. And they're not exaggerating. Between school runs, college, social lives, appointments and everything else that comes with raising teenagers, their days are full from start to finish.
The couple say that every day is a mix of different personalities, routines and needs, with each young person bringing something different to the household, which brings a whole load of energy with it.
Paula said: "When we have all the kids in the car together everybody's singing, there's loads of banter going on, everyone talking over each other and laughing. When we're all together like that it's great fun. When you think about where the children have come from and you see them now as happy, well-adjusted young people full of personality. That's the best bit."
Whilst they say fostering is the best thing they've ever done they're also very honest about the realities that come with it.
"There's always something to do," Paula said: "Appointments, meetings, paperwork, school runs... it's constant. It's always busy.
"On top of that, every young person brings their own experiences and emotions. Some arrive withdrawn or unsure. Some need time, patience and space before they begin to feel safe but it's also hugely rewarding to see the progress they make and see them come out of their shells."
For many foster carers, those early days can feel the most uncertain. "It can be challenging at the beginning," said Marie. "You don't always know if you're doing the right thing. But you have to give children space, let them settle, and just be there for them."
They remember clearly when two siblings first arrived. One of them shut herself away upstairs, overwhelmed and unsure, while the younger boy stayed closer, kicking a ball around outside with them. They didn't push - just kept things calm and gave them space. Gradually, curiosity took over, and before long she was peeking out, then joining in, and eventually playing football alongside them.
Later that day, they even ended up chasing down the ice cream van together - a small moment, but one they've never forgotten. It was one of those early signs that trust was beginning to build and that the children were starting to feel just a little bit more at home. That love of ice cream has stuck too - they all still laugh about the chase today and the young man now dreams of having his own ice cream van one day, with Paula being chosen to drive it!
There are practical challenges too - like balancing three different routines, helping teenagers become more independent, supporting through family time and relationships while still keeping them safe, and managing the everyday logistics of a full household.
And then there's the food bill. "With three teenagers, food doesn't hang around!" Paula jokes.
One of the most rewarding - and sometimes emotional - parts of fostering is helping young people rebuild relationships with their birth families.
Marie and Paula have supported young people to reconnect with parents, gradually and at their own pace. Over time, they've seen those relationships grow stronger, sometimes leading to young people returning home.
"It's a massive thing," they say. "It's been a huge step for them, but we've just taken it slowly and built it up over time - and seeing those relationships come back together again is really special."
That ability to put the young person first and support those important family relationships where it's right to do so - even when it's difficult - is something they see as a key part of being a foster carer.
Finding the joy in everyday moments
Despite the busy days and challenges, Paula and Marie say it's the little things that matter most and really enrich their lives.
It's the everyday moments - a young person chatting about their day, a breakthrough at school or college, or a shared laugh in the car or over tea.
Even something as simple as spending time with their dogs can make a difference, offering comfort when words are hard to find.
As they put it, "Those are the moments that make it all worthwhile."
What they'd say to anyone thinking about fostering
Like many people, Marie and Paula once doubted whether they'd be "good enough" to foster. Now, they're clear - don't let that stop you.
"Never doubt yourself," Marie said. "We didn't think we'd be good enough, but we knew we had a passion for it and would love to try it. We are so glad we did because we absolutely love it and couldn't imagine our lives without the children in it and the friends we've made through fostering."
When asked what advice they'd give others considering fostering Marie said: "I'd say just be patient - with yourself as well as the young people. Use the support that's there, don't feel like you must have all the answers straight away, and most importantly, just be yourself."
They're also part of the Mockingbird programme - a network of foster carers who support each other and come together regularly, offering an extended family feel for both carers and young people.
"We're part of our Mockingbird constellation and get together regularly for meetings and activities. It's good for the kids and good for us as well to have that support around us all." Paula added.
Reflecting back on their journey so far, there's only one thing they'd change - starting sooner.
"We wish we'd done it earlier," they say.
For them, fostering has become far more than they ever expected - not just in the day-to-day, but in the difference they've been able to make.
And for Marie and Paula, that's what matters most.
Say you'll be their care and support, and we'll be yours
As a foster carer with your local council, you'll get specialist training and a financial package of support so you can provide the care and support a child needs. You'll join the North East's largest community of foster carers with peers and professionals ready to welcome and support you.
When you're ready to find out more, the Foster with North East team is here to answer your questions. Simply complete a quick fostering enquiry and we'll be in touch.
